老资格
June 28th, 2010 9:17 PM 1556 Comments Filed under: 文言无忌 Feed for this Entry
老婆和老妈同时爆料文文语录
事情是这样滴..老婆嘟哝着天太热要洗澡..脏衣服就扔在一旁..此时..文文突然说 "奶奶..妈妈洗澡..你把妈妈衣服洗了吧.."
这孩子..越来越老资格了..
TAGS: 资格
June 28th, 2010 9:17 PM 1556 Comments Filed under: 文言无忌 Feed for this Entry
老婆和老妈同时爆料文文语录
事情是这样滴..老婆嘟哝着天太热要洗澡..脏衣服就扔在一旁..此时..文文突然说 "奶奶..妈妈洗澡..你把妈妈衣服洗了吧.."
这孩子..越来越老资格了..
TAGS: 资格
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:20 pm
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:24 pm
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:29 pm
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:32 pm
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:34 pm
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:49 pm
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:50 pm
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
September 18th, 2011 at 01:52 pm
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:01 pm
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:04 pm
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:09 pm
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:10 pm
I am not young enough to know everything.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:19 pm
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
September 18th, 2011 at 02:28 pm
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:29 pm
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:29 pm
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:33 pm
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:47 pm
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:48 pm
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
September 18th, 2011 at 02:48 pm
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
September 18th, 2011 at 03:00 pm
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
September 18th, 2011 at 03:05 pm
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
September 18th, 2011 at 03:07 pm
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
September 18th, 2011 at 03:21 pm
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
September 18th, 2011 at 03:28 pm
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
September 18th, 2011 at 03:36 pm
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
September 18th, 2011 at 03:51 pm
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
September 18th, 2011 at 08:03 pm
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
September 18th, 2011 at 08:24 pm
The covers of this book are too far apart.
September 18th, 2011 at 08:28 pm
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
September 18th, 2011 at 09:10 pm
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
September 18th, 2011 at 09:24 pm
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
September 18th, 2011 at 09:24 pm
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
September 18th, 2011 at 09:39 pm
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
September 18th, 2011 at 09:52 pm
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
September 18th, 2011 at 09:59 pm
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
September 18th, 2011 at 10:06 pm
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
September 18th, 2011 at 10:19 pm
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
September 18th, 2011 at 10:33 pm
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
September 18th, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
September 18th, 2011 at 10:46 pm
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
September 18th, 2011 at 11:00 pm
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
September 18th, 2011 at 11:10 pm
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
September 18th, 2011 at 11:14 pm
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
September 18th, 2011 at 11:28 pm
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
September 18th, 2011 at 11:42 pm
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
September 18th, 2011 at 11:46 pm
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
September 18th, 2011 at 11:54 pm
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:09 am
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:21 am
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:23 am
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:28 am
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:39 am
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
September 19th, 2011 at 12:54 am
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:59 am
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:06 am
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:21 am
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:21 am
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:21 am
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:23 am
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:36 am
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
September 19th, 2011 at 01:37 am
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
September 19th, 2011 at 01:50 am
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:54 am
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:09 am
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
September 19th, 2011 at 02:15 am
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:20 am
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:23 am
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:28 am
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:38 am
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:53 am
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:54 am
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:02 am
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:05 am
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:07 am
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:22 am
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:31 am
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:37 am
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:41 am
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:43 am
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:51 am
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:09 am
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:13 am
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:14 am
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:14 am
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:15 am
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:16 am
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:23 am
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:40 am
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:43 am
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:43 am
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:43 am
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:43 am
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:44 am
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:44 am
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:45 am
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:53 am
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
September 19th, 2011 at 04:57 am
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:59 am
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
September 19th, 2011 at 04:59 am
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:00 am
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:05 am
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:12 am
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:16 am
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:16 am
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:16 am
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:23 am
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
September 19th, 2011 at 05:28 am
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:31 am
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:31 am
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:32 am
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:32 am
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:40 am
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:47 am
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:47 am
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:48 am
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:53 am
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:54 am
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
September 19th, 2011 at 05:54 am
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
September 19th, 2011 at 05:56 am
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:02 am
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:02 am
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
September 19th, 2011 at 06:02 am
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:18 am
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:18 am
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:18 am
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:34 am
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:34 am
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:35 am
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:35 am
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:48 am
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
September 19th, 2011 at 06:50 am
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do whether it is correct or not.
September 19th, 2011 at 07:03 am
In this war as in others I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
September 19th, 2011 at 07:05 am
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
September 19th, 2011 at 07:14 am
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
September 19th, 2011 at 07:18 am
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
September 19th, 2011 at 07:33 am
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
September 19th, 2011 at 07:48 am
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
September 19th, 2011 at 07:52 am
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
September 19th, 2011 at 08:03 am
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
September 19th, 2011 at 08:18 am
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
September 19th, 2011 at 08:33 am
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
September 19th, 2011 at 08:33 am
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
September 19th, 2011 at 08:49 am
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
September 19th, 2011 at 09:04 am
I am not young enough to know everything.
September 19th, 2011 at 09:12 am
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
September 19th, 2011 at 09:18 am
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
September 19th, 2011 at 09:33 am
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
September 19th, 2011 at 10:30 am
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
September 19th, 2011 at 10:30 am
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
September 19th, 2011 at 11:22 am
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
September 19th, 2011 at 11:37 am
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:14 pm
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
September 19th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:15 pm
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:27 pm
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
September 19th, 2011 at 01:53 pm
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:03 pm
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:31 pm
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
September 19th, 2011 at 02:39 pm
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
September 19th, 2011 at 03:10 pm
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:15 pm
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:48 pm
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
September 19th, 2011 at 03:51 pm
The truth is more important than the facts.
September 19th, 2011 at 07:57 pm
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September 19th, 2011 at 09:45 pm
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
September 19th, 2011 at 09:46 pm
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
September 19th, 2011 at 09:52 pm
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
September 19th, 2011 at 10:10 pm
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
September 19th, 2011 at 10:10 pm
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:28 am
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:30 am
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:49 am
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:51 am
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:56 am
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:57 am
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:05 am
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:12 am
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:15 am
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:20 am
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:35 am
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:38 am
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:57 am
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:57 am
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:13 am
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:18 am
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:29 am
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
September 20th, 2011 at 06:47 am
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
September 20th, 2011 at 07:04 am
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
September 20th, 2011 at 09:07 am
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
September 20th, 2011 at 09:09 am
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
September 20th, 2011 at 09:27 am
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
September 20th, 2011 at 09:34 am
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
September 20th, 2011 at 09:35 am
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
September 20th, 2011 at 09:42 am
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
September 20th, 2011 at 09:50 am
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
September 20th, 2011 at 09:56 am
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:06 am
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
September 20th, 2011 at 10:07 am
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
September 20th, 2011 at 10:11 am
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:22 am
If theres one thing I know its God does love a good joke.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:24 am
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:27 am
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:38 am
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:40 am
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:42 am
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:44 am
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:52 am
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:59 am
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:00 am
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:06 am
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:21 am
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:22 am
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:29 am
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:30 am
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:33 am
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:49 am
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:50 am
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:56 am
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
September 20th, 2011 at 12:04 pm
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
September 20th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:12 pm
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
September 20th, 2011 at 12:20 pm
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:30 pm
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:35 pm
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:42 pm
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:47 pm
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
September 20th, 2011 at 12:52 pm
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:02 pm
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:10 pm
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:11 pm
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:16 pm
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:21 pm
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:27 pm
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:30 pm
Why don't you write books people can read?
September 20th, 2011 at 01:30 pm
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:45 pm
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
September 20th, 2011 at 01:55 pm
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
September 20th, 2011 at 01:58 pm
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:01 pm
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:06 pm
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:13 pm
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:16 pm
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:23 pm
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:29 pm
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:32 pm
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:32 pm
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:42 pm
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
September 20th, 2011 at 02:45 pm
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
September 20th, 2011 at 02:46 pm
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:00 pm
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:16 pm
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:20 pm
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:21 pm
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:30 pm
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:39 pm
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:39 pm
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:45 pm
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:48 pm
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
September 20th, 2011 at 03:58 pm
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:11 pm
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:13 pm
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:17 pm
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
September 20th, 2011 at 04:27 pm
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:28 pm
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:28 pm
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:34 pm
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:41 pm
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:51 pm
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
September 20th, 2011 at 04:57 pm
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
September 20th, 2011 at 04:58 pm
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:03 pm
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:12 pm
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:27 pm
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:41 pm
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
September 20th, 2011 at 05:43 pm
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:10 pm
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:21 pm
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:25 pm
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:26 pm
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:40 pm
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:43 pm
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:45 pm
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:54 pm
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
September 20th, 2011 at 06:58 pm
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
September 20th, 2011 at 06:59 pm
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
September 20th, 2011 at 07:03 pm
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
September 20th, 2011 at 07:14 pm
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
September 20th, 2011 at 07:20 pm
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
September 20th, 2011 at 07:23 pm
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
September 20th, 2011 at 07:37 pm
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
September 20th, 2011 at 07:44 pm
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
September 20th, 2011 at 07:56 pm
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
September 20th, 2011 at 08:00 pm
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
September 20th, 2011 at 08:14 pm
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
September 20th, 2011 at 08:17 pm
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
September 20th, 2011 at 08:33 pm
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
September 20th, 2011 at 08:35 pm
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
September 20th, 2011 at 08:52 pm
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
September 20th, 2011 at 08:53 pm
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:11 pm
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:23 pm
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:27 pm
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
September 20th, 2011 at 10:48 pm
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
September 20th, 2011 at 10:49 pm
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:03 pm
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:06 pm
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:19 pm
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:24 pm
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:34 pm
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:42 pm
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
September 20th, 2011 at 11:49 pm
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:04 am
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:17 am
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:21 am
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:23 am
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:24 am
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:24 am
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:36 am
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
September 21st, 2011 at 12:38 am
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:56 am
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:12 am
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:15 am
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
September 21st, 2011 at 01:17 am
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:17 am
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:17 am
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:17 am
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
September 21st, 2011 at 01:17 am
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
September 21st, 2011 at 01:17 am
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:18 am
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:18 am
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:18 am
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:18 am
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:18 am
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:28 am
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:33 am
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:43 am
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 am
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 am
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 am
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 am
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 am
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
September 21st, 2011 at 01:50 am
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
September 21st, 2011 at 01:58 am
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:06 am
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:11 am
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:13 am
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:16 am
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:16 am
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:16 am
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
September 21st, 2011 at 02:16 am
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:24 am
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:28 am
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:43 am
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:45 am
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:45 am
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
September 21st, 2011 at 02:45 am
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
September 21st, 2011 at 02:46 am
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:46 am
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:48 am
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:03 am
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:03 am
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:03 am
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
September 21st, 2011 at 03:05 am
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:15 am
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:15 am
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:16 am
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:16 am
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:19 am
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:19 am
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
September 21st, 2011 at 03:21 am
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:22 am
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:27 am
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:31 am
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:34 am
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:35 am
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:40 am
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:44 am
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:44 am
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:44 am
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:45 am
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:49 am
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
September 21st, 2011 at 03:51 am
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:57 am
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:05 am
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:14 am
Men have become the tools of their tools.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:14 am
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:14 am
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:14 am
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:15 am
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:19 am
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:21 am
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:31 am
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
September 21st, 2011 at 04:34 am
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
September 21st, 2011 at 04:34 am
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:36 am
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
September 21st, 2011 at 04:44 am
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:44 am
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
September 21st, 2011 at 04:44 am
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:44 am
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
September 21st, 2011 at 04:44 am
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:45 am
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:46 am
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:46 am
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
September 21st, 2011 at 04:48 am
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:49 am
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
September 21st, 2011 at 04:53 am
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:05 am
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:09 am
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:10 am
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:12 am
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
September 21st, 2011 at 05:12 am
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:12 am
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:14 am
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:22 am
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:28 am
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:28 am
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:33 am
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:41 am
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:41 am
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:41 am
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:44 am
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:44 am
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:44 am
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:47 am
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
September 21st, 2011 at 05:55 am
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:57 am
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
September 21st, 2011 at 05:59 am
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:00 am
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:01 am
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:03 am
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:04 am
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:09 am
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:09 am
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
September 21st, 2011 at 06:10 am
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:12 am
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:15 am
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
September 21st, 2011 at 06:21 am
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:21 am
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:24 am
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:25 am
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
September 21st, 2011 at 06:29 am
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:33 am
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:37 am
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:38 am
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:38 am
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:38 am
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:39 am
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:39 am
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:41 am
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:44 am
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:55 am
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
September 21st, 2011 at 06:58 am
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
September 21st, 2011 at 06:59 am
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:00 am
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:00 am
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:08 am
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:08 am
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
September 21st, 2011 at 07:09 am
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:09 am
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:09 am
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:10 am
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:10 am
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
September 21st, 2011 at 07:11 am
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:14 am
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:17 am
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:18 am
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist and better tools.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:19 am
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:21 am
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:30 am
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:32 am
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:34 am
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:36 am
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:36 am
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:36 am
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:38 am
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
September 21st, 2011 at 07:40 am
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:51 am
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:51 am
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
September 21st, 2011 at 07:51 am
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:52 am
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:58 am
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:59 am
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
September 21st, 2011 at 07:59 am
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:03 am
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:05 am
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:05 am
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:06 am
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:09 am
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:09 am
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:10 am
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:10 am
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:10 am
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:17 am
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:17 am
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:17 am
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:19 am
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:20 am
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:21 am
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:25 am
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:26 am
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:26 am
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:29 am
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:29 am
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:34 am
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:34 am
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:34 am
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:34 am
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:37 am
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:47 am
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:48 am
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:49 am
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:51 am
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:54 am
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
September 21st, 2011 at 08:55 am
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:56 am
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
September 21st, 2011 at 08:58 am
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
September 21st, 2011 at 09:00 am
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:02 am
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:03 am
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:03 am
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:03 am
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:04 am
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
September 21st, 2011 at 09:04 am
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:07 am
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:07 am
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:08 am
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:08 am
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
September 21st, 2011 at 09:16 am
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:20 am
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:21 am
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:25 am
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:25 am
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:26 am
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:27 am
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:29 am
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:32 am
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:33 am
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:33 am
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:33 am
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:34 am
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:34 am
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:36 am
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:42 am
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:47 am
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:50 am
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
September 21st, 2011 at 09:51 am
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:55 am
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
September 21st, 2011 at 09:59 am
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:00 am
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:01 am
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:05 am
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:06 am
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:06 am
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:07 am
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:14 am
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:17 am
Men have become the tools of their tools.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:17 am
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:17 am
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:20 am
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:21 am
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:24 am
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:24 am
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:26 am
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:29 am
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:29 am
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:30 am
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:35 am
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:35 am
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:37 am
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:40 am
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
September 21st, 2011 at 10:44 am
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:46 am
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:49 am
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
September 21st, 2011 at 10:49 am
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
September 21st, 2011 at 10:51 am
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:53 am
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:53 am
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:54 am
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:54 am
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:56 am
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:56 am
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:57 am
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:58 am
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
September 21st, 2011 at 10:58 am
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:03 am
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
September 21st, 2011 at 11:12 am
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:14 am
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:21 am
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:21 am
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:23 am
The truth is more important than the facts.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:24 am
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:26 am
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:27 am
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:27 am
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:28 am
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:29 am
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:31 am
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:32 am
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:35 am
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:45 am
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:50 am
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:50 am
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:51 am
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:51 am
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:52 am
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:53 am
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:57 am
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:57 am
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:57 am
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:57 am
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:58 am
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:59 am
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
September 21st, 2011 at 11:59 am
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:00 pm
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:01 pm
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:01 pm
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:06 pm
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:17 pm
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:20 pm
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:23 pm
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:23 pm
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:24 pm
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:26 pm
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:28 pm
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:32 pm
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:37 pm
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:39 pm
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:42 pm
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:46 pm
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:47 pm
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:47 pm
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:50 pm
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:50 pm
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
September 21st, 2011 at 12:52 pm
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:54 pm
The truth is more important than the facts.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
September 21st, 2011 at 12:58 pm
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:04 pm
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:05 pm
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:06 pm
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:10 pm
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:11 pm
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:15 pm
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:16 pm
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
September 21st, 2011 at 01:16 pm
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:17 pm
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:18 pm
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:18 pm
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:19 pm
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:21 pm
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
September 21st, 2011 at 01:26 pm
Smith & Wesson the original point and click interface.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:33 pm
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:33 pm
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:37 pm
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
September 21st, 2011 at 01:45 pm
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:45 pm
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 pm
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 pm
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
September 21st, 2011 at 01:47 pm
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:49 pm
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:54 pm
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:55 pm
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
September 21st, 2011 at 01:55 pm
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:02 pm
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:10 pm
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:12 pm
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:16 pm
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:17 pm
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:17 pm
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:17 pm
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:18 pm
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:19 pm
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:19 pm
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:20 pm
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:22 pm
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:23 pm
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:25 pm
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
September 21st, 2011 at 02:28 pm
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:30 pm
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:31 pm
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
September 21st, 2011 at 02:39 pm
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:42 pm
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:43 pm
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
September 21st, 2011 at 02:44 pm
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:44 pm
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:45 pm
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:46 pm
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:46 pm
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:49 pm
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:49 pm
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:52 pm
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
September 21st, 2011 at 02:58 pm
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:03 pm
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:11 pm
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:13 pm
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:13 pm
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:14 pm
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:15 pm
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:16 pm
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
September 21st, 2011 at 03:19 pm
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:21 pm
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:22 pm
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:27 pm
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:32 pm
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:34 pm
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:34 pm
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:35 pm
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:37 pm
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:38 pm
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:38 pm
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:40 pm
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:40 pm
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
September 21st, 2011 at 03:41 pm
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:41 pm
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:43 pm
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:45 pm
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:47 pm
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:47 pm
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:50 pm
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:50 pm
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
September 21st, 2011 at 03:59 pm
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:02 pm
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:06 pm
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:10 pm
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:11 pm
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:12 pm
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
September 21st, 2011 at 04:14 pm
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:16 pm
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:18 pm
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
September 21st, 2011 at 04:19 pm
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.